Cold hands, warm shart.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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