You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
