I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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