I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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