you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
