just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
