2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize