i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize