sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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