my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
