I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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