I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pants are for mortals
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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