My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize