she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
