She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
