i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
