just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
