remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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