I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
