I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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