Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
