i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
