When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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