I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
