ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
