My girlfriend figured out who you are.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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