sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
