I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
