Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
