dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
