is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
