Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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