I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
