i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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