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..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
