I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
where does the pee come out of this thing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
