Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
