Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
