My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
