just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
