I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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