We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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