He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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