I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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