You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
