Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
