you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
