But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
