So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
