First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
