Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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