THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
