I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
