Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't deserve a penis
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize