my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
