it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
