I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
