is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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