I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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