I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
