Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
