I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
