Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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