I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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