My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
