I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
