Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
