Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
