Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
operation have a gay friend backfired
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
