I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
