Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
