Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
