She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize