Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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