I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
