ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
