I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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