My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
