So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
