another moral hangover. fuck.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
