it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
