are you so shy because you have an std?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
