And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Someone signed my nipple.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize