She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
