its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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