I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
