6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
