Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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