No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
